Passion Reignited

Wow! After the Darin Browne worship workshop, I suddenly feel so gung ho on playing the guitar. However, there's still like a gazillion things I wish I could learn. Sadly, I have to teach myself stuff most of the time. Worst still, I've been really wishing for a new guitar, a much better one than I have currently. Something that is stage-compatible. A Taylor would do nicely!

Forgive me if I seem to be up in the clouds a lil too much but I do sometimes imagine myself rocking out with a super-sounding electric guitar or belting out a really cool acoustic number on stage. I think every musician would surely reach that point of fantasizing. And yes, I would really like to sing too. Maybe like the falsetto singing of Ryan Cabrera, the shouting ala singing of Henry Seeley (one of Australia's dynamic youth worship leaders), or the smooth voice of Jack Johnson. Okay, dreaming again. As some of you know, I have difficulty reaching the high notes most of the time. It takes practice; or maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Oh and I would love to write songs. So far I have only wrote a kinda playful, silly song for this girl I liked (well, it was worth seeing her laugh, insultingly or not, haha!). Writing songs to impress chicks is not as easy as it looks!

I know, I know. It looks like I'm craving more for the attention wishing for all these. Very mundane. Well to tell you the truth, I did reach the stage where I got so bored of playing music. It really, really felt more like a duty and responsibilty to create music rather than doing it for the sake of corporate worship. Everything seemed like the same thing all over again. Clearly, I wasn't creative. That is why I now desire for new skills. Its either be excited or be dead bored. As a church musician where music is really only secondary, the ultimate satisfaction comes from seeing the entire congregation crying out to Him. Nothing beats that feeling when the "Wave" just flows through the hall. May my hands play nothing but sweet music in the spirit. May annointing and fresh skills fall upon me. I wanna reignite that passion to play music again!

I'm desperate...no...not that way.

Big sigh. I need to find a group for one of my subjects fast! My fault for not finding one earlier. God help me! Anyway the worst will only be me doing it alone. Yup Mr Welman, I'm a lone ranger alright. Not easy finding one when I'm not familiar with the juniors. Still my fault in the end lah.

Today at lunch, one of my classmates finished only 1/3 of her lunch and gave the rest to the us. No reason for me to be surprised considering that most girls are like that nowadays. It made me realised that girls do this to impress guys mostly. I felt guilty because I'm one of those guys who used to stereotype fat girls as ugly, especially the obese ones. Mind you, my classmate is nothing near "fat" and yet that very word is so taboo to her. Fat people do not deserve to be social outcasts! My apologies to girls I have hurt through teasing and discrimination. You deserved to be appreciated for your inner qualities rather than your outer.

To experience the bittersweet, taste defeat then brush my teeth

So, how did my weekend go? Not bad except for the fact that Arsenal didn't win their recent match with Tottenham. Quite nice watching football after such a long time of not watching a live match. Had McD's with my mom and lil brother. Saw a poser-ish guitarist who played God-knows-what at Starbucks Taipan. Damn. I'm so critical. Hao Lian too.

Sunday came and I had to play guitar. Thanks to Uncle Min Choy for solving the feedback problem on the guitar. It does take some skills to do P.A. I really appreciate the P.A team for always trying to help me out when there's a problem with the sounds. After church, headed to Summit together with my brother and "sister" Cae Me for lunch. We had 1901 hotdogs and Starbucks coffee. Shucks, such a simple lunch can cost me so much. We had a great time talking 'bout deep stuff anyway. Later in the evening, I picked up Paul and Meng Yoe for our weekly badminton session. Okay so I'm not that good. Gosh, I even lose to kids nearly half my age. Nevertheless, me and Meng Yoe decided to be healthy from now on. Yeah, like exercising just once a week would make us fit. I can't wait for the basketball court to be completed at church. I still love the game even though I haven't touch a ball for a very long, long time.

Monday. I wore my new glasses to college. It didn't look very different from the 'old' one so the change wasn't noticable. I have to start taking better care of my eyesight. I'm getting blind! Had a fattening lunch with the sisters after lecture. Learnt a new Mandarin word but with much embarrassment thanks to May and Amy constantly laughing at me each time I pronounced a word. After class, watched Amy shape May's brows. Funny. I always thought girls pluck their brows. I saw a gadget used for the purpose of shaping the brows for the first time. Jakun is the right word for it.

Tuesday. I dread Tuesdays 'cos I have to wake up damn early for class. That particular class is quite boring too. Can't blame everyone for feeling drowsy in the morning. Class went fine and the time I spent staying up a lil to prepare for lessons was worth it. At least I'm not behind my lessons now. Today is just a lazy day nonetheless. I have to start studying hard tomorrow for my quiz. I read an article in the Reader's Digest about shyness. No surprise, I AM actually quite shy. Yup. I have a mild case of social anxiety. I have to thank someone who influenced me to socialise more. I still like being a quiet, simple guy though. Today I realised the sacrifice of two brave Jedi's who made a very difficult decision simply because of their determination to desire for 'better' things. I look up to both of you and pray that things that are to come will be good.

Lessons learnt during the weekend and currently:

1. Girls don't just pluck their brows. They shave them too.
2. Negative thoughts are mostly just false (and silly) perceptions in the mind.
3. The way to a girl's heart is at an unexpected moment and at an unexpected time.
4. It's good to experience the bittersweet, taste defeat then brush your teeth!
   

Yet another...

Ahh...crap. I just need another zit to brighten up my life (or my face). Shucks, it hurts too. The damn big one on my forehead hasn't totally disappear yet. Abel! Your toothpaste idea didn't work as I expected lah. Aiyoh...suddenly breaking out. Must be the hormones. Yup, I'm pms-ing this week.

Stop being such an idiot.

Sigh...I'm always the sillier and over-emotional one am I? Its time to move on Joel. Things are going to get busy this month onwards. More important things await you. Just try to discipline yourself and move on. Leave things to God. You can't control your life anyway. Man...I just hate myself for over-thinking. Okay, that's it. First step, finish up your marketing assignment tonight Joel. Stop being such an idiot you idiot.

of zits and bursting pants...

Berak-nya...I have a huge zit on my forehead, lodged just between my brows, near towards my right. Mom saw it yesterday and did her usual thing - laugh, stared and tried to touch it. She's always boasting about how lucky (yes...lucky!) she would be the day she has a pimple. Yup, it is that rare for my mom to get that piece of swell oozing with pus. I guessed I should blame it on my father's genes. Before I know it, I'll gain a belly and start loosing hair too! Anyway I'm not here to blame the bad genes I've inherited. I was just wondering if there's any quick way to treat a pimple. I don't want fatty to see my huge, ugly zit this weekend! Help me if you can.

Anyway, talking about genes. I think Jared, my 11 year old brother, has that fat gene from either my dad or my mom's family bloodline. Joshua was on the heavy side too when he was Jared's age (remember people? =p). This afternoon while I was working on the computer, Jared came running to me asking for help. He was getting ready for his Red Crescent Society club meeting. Know what the hoohah was about? He couldn't buckle his pants together. I'm telling you...it was a crisis. It was like Queen Latifah trying to fit into a pair of hot pants. Ooh! this reminds me of a joke I heard once. It went something like, a fat girl in a thong would look like a sumo wrestler. Okay, okay, enough of lame jokes. So anyway, after countless atempts of getting my lil bro to breathe in (deep...real deep) while I try to buckle his pants, I finally got it to hook. Teamwork baby...his deep breathing and my strong, quick hands saved the day. Man I was so worried that his pants would just burst at the meeting. We checked his weight and he gained about 5 kilos! Oh great mom, try spoiling and feeding him some more lah. Oh well, at least its nice to hug something soft. =p

dedicated to someone special

So we've already established the fact that things are gonna be different in the future baby.
And you've reiterated the fact that you don't want to get into something that's just gonna have to end later.
Now I know our lives are changing and I've seen it coming for a while too, don't get me wrong.
And we've been busy lately baby it's gonna happen more,we gotta be strong
but now
While I'm gone
Just be a fly on the wall
You know I'm thinking about you
Just wait and see
You gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away


Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe


I know you gotta go to university and I'm just trying to make some cash to follow my dreams.
But please don't say we're too busy to give each other the time and support we need
I know we gotta work our jobs and make some money to get by in this expensive world.
Don't let that overtake the fact that before all that, you were still my girl.
While I'm gone
Just be a fly on the wall
You knowI'm talking about you
Just wait and see
You gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away


Someday, someday I'll know that you love me
Someday, someday I just need you here with me
Don't have to try
Love will take us there babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe


Someday, someday
Look towards the sky babe
Someday, Someday
There's no need to cry babe
I know that you're always what I want babe
I will be the one babe
Someday, I will be the one babe
Someday, I just need you here with me



(taken from Thirsty Merc)

just what I think...what do you think?

Imagine when a person you cared for very much tells you your feelings don't really matter to them all this while? It hurts. You tend to ask yourself too - is it your fault? I feel used, betrayed and my feelings played but I know somewhere deep inside that you have to be strong. I have to be mature. Things like this happen. Your loved ones are NOT perfect. Sometimes your loved ones say hurtful things and sometimes you say hurtful things to your loved ones. A selfish kind of love can never heal the pain caused by hurtful things said and done towards each other. But a real genuine concern for each other makes you want to forget about the hurtful stuff. Now that's what I call real love.

Did I worship the devil?

That Sunday morning in church we sang this song during praise & worship.Part of it goes something like this...

My treasure, my priority,

Who can compare to You,

Great is the measure of your royalty,

Oh Morning Star, You truly are,

Everything.

The word "Morning Star" caught my attention. Actually it already did some time ago but Kit Yi reminded me about it again. In Isaiah 14:12, Lucifer was referred to as Morning Star (NIV) and son of the morning or day star (NKJV). I was like thinking "Woah...are we singing to the devil?" If you study the song closely, its lyrics are pretty simple. "Morning Star" was the only noun used to name God ("Lord" didn't count because it is used commonly for other things too). Well...it did confused me-lah. I actually just mumbled the words during that song. I just had to find out the real meaning to it.

I still had it in my mind the following day. So I picked up a few different bible versions and compare, including the concordance. I texted Cae Me to check with her modern bible version too. Poor Cae Me was sleeping already and I actually woke her up. But she gave me the answer to it though. "Try checking Revelations-lah", she said. In Revelations 22:16, Jesus referred to Himself as the Bright and Morning Star. Felt pretty dumb later on. Lucifer was actually just described as a fallen star. My bible knowledge really sucks.

I blogged this not to show off how 'Christian' I am. In fact it shows that I'm very un-Christian. Funny how it is...thinking that the song was dedicated to the devil but sung in a Christian church. Funny how religion creeps people out even in an indirect manner.

you've got a friend in me...

I had ice-cream with my best friend today. Pretty cool telling each other stuffs...just being honest (honest = my favourite word). Something hit me today all the sudden though. I'm still figuring what happened. Sometimes I am just so impatient. I want friendships to skip to the highest level immediately. As I drove my way back home after the ice-cream session, I felt so stupid for not respecting and treating my best friend the way I should have. My gosh! No wonder people sometimes find it so hard to relate to me. Its time I acted like a real friend.To be someone that can be trusted, someone that will never judge but just accept, someone that can be accountable, someone that treats God as a best friend first. Best friend, if u're reading this, I just want to apologize for only looking at things my way and satisfying my own desires. I just hope to be a better friend to you, someone you can be with by just being yourself. Oh and by the way, I'm not emo-ing okay? =)